April 11, 2015

Baskin Robins and Breathing

I think the things you love and hate in others are reflections of the things you love and hate within yourself.

And that can be a hard thing to come to terms with. Because often the things you dislike about someone else, are either a mirroring of your own behavior, or something you feel like you are lacking within. 

Learning about you is a lot like breathing. Much of it is unconscious. You don't even know you're doing it until you stop and think about it. And just like breathing, once you think about it, it's very hard to stop thinking about it. That was me today. Walking through the trees and trying to figure myself out. Pondering every momentous concept of life and feeling as though I understand them less now than I did 10 years ago. 

Now, coming back to that brilliant breathing analogy (I know, I know, I'm just so deep and poetic!)...

Outside forces and people will influence your inward feelings, almost always this is uncontrollable. Those gooey, yucky, uncomfortable, lovely inside feelings will then be put back into the world by your actions. That exhale of emotions can be a lovely perfume or a noxious gas of anger and jealousy and defeat. Then others will breath that in from you and so on. 

So I'm trying my best to control my exhale. Holding my breath until I can try my damndest to  turn those potentially harmful feelings into love before releasing them. It's a difficult thing, and I've learned that the love I thought was so simple and one-flavor at 18 actually comes in a Baskin Robins-like bouquet. The definition of love changes for me constantly and it is fluid and much larger than I could have ever expected. 

Earlier sarcasm aside, I am not trying to be deep or poetic. Wandering the forest of my mind can get me lost and put me in a confusing haze. And often writing things down helps to clear the fog. Maybe you feel like this from time to time as well? Trying to navigate a mind full of wild animals and deep oceans can be terrifying, but knowing others are on that adventure with you can help. 

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